Buying alcohol

A few months ago I went to a large grocery store to buy, principally, some beer. It was about 9pm, and the absence of an end-of-day beer had left me irrationally unsettled. No other beverage at home would suffice - if my evening was to end in a satisfactory manner, I needed a beer.

I made my selection, and started to pay for it at the self-checkout. A store assistant sidled up to me: "Could I see some identification, please sir?". Yes, yes, of course you can, I thought to myself, digging into my pockets. Actually....no he couldn't. In my rush to leave the house, I had only brought a few dollar notes and nothing else.

Having asked the question, he could not go back on it. Having no ID, I could not have beer. It was quite simple - but, in my desperation, I thought I could win him over. I tried matey friendliness, then pleading ("look at the grey flecks in my sideburns!"), and then anger - hissing that I was WELL over 30 let alone 21. He was not to be moved, and I stormed off, devoid of both beer and my dignity.

I should not have been surprised at this. The attitude to alcohol is quite different here in the US from the UK. It is illegal to drink in public - which has led to the time-honored tradition of swigging from a brown paper bag in order to outfox the police. Many waiters and store assistants don't consider it worth their jobs to judge on appearance, and will ID a granny as much as a tetchy Englishman in his thirties.

So I have learned my lesson now, and carry ID with me wherever I go, positively wanting to be asked to produce it. If I am, I do so with a flourish, like a schoolboy handing in his homework on time. If not, I conduct the rest of the transaction in a frosty silence, cursing my latest hairdresser for not adequately addressing my receding hairline.

I have not been back to the store from that evening. But if I get to the point that everywhere else has stopped asking for my ID, I may just pay them another visit.