Piers Morgan

I never liked Piers Morgan when he was a newspaper editor in the UK. He came across as stroppy and aggressive, and I didn't feel much sympathy for him when he fell from grace and disappeared. 

In his new incarnation, with his own daily news show on CNN, he is much more appealing. He seems more at ease with himself, more human, and his style - still bolshy and opinionated - goes down better on this side of the Atlantic than in his home country. As a fellow Englishman in the US, I admire him for how respected he has become here.

He is now getting a lot of attention in the gun control debate that was sparked by the Connecticut shootings. Having decided that Americans don't get angry enough about these tragedies, he compensates by getting super-angry each night on his show. He berates pro-gun guests, almost hugs those against, and generally works himself into an undignified lather.

I think this public hissy fit performs a valuable public service - that of counterbalancing the pantomime baddies in this debate, the NRA. These are the people who suggest solutions like giving teachers weapons, so that they can pick off would-be gunmen between Math and Science and keep the school day moving along.

With Piers Morgan baying at the moon on one side, and the NRA practicing their commando rolls on the other, the politicians are left looking calm and rational in the middle. All the outrage, and stupid ideas, have already been used up, so surely the right answers are there for the taking.

If something good comes out of all this, then Piers Morgan will have done his bit - embarrassing as it is to watch. Good luck to him.

TV Commercials

I have spent the last few minutes trying to think if there is anything, in the world, more annoying than television advertising in the US. The Kardashian family possibly excepted, I really don't think there is.

You simply get bombarded - before, during and after your program - with everything from invitations to bonanza mattress sales, to images of cars sleekly winding along mountain roads, to demonstrations of the latest nose hair trimmer (when I find mine quite easy to use).

However I have found some light relief during commercial breaks through paying attention to the last 20 seconds or so of drug company advertisements. This is where the negative side effects of the drug in question have to be explained. "Taking this medication may cause you to break out in hives, spend 3 days on the toilet, or burst spontaneously into flame. Consult your physician if any of these symptoms persist". That sort of thing.

The best of all these is in a commercial for a viagra-type medication, which advises users to see their doctor if they have "an erection lasting more than four hours". Wow! At the wrong time of day this could make it quite difficult to go about your business. But I bet women all over the country, with husbands snoozing beside them in their armchairs, have quietly taken note of the drug's name. So even the warning can be part of the sale I suppose.

I'm going to have to think of other strategies for getting through commercial breaks. Sniggering at rude words will only get me so far.

Driving in Los Angeles

A few weeks ago I was driving along when a car nosed out from a parking lot into my lane, in a way that I felt required some outraged flailing of arms. The driver was a young man, sporting a large baseball cap and (probably) a pair of jeans riding somewhere around his knees. In response to my performance, he eyeballed me and, calmly but firmly, raised his middle finger. I felt silly, stopped flailing, and we both went on our way.
 
What a constructive exchange that was, I thought. I had released my frustration, he defended himself while acknowledging his error, and no damage was done - either to our cars or ego. Was this how driving in LA worked, I wondered - is there a sort of unwritten highway code of rude gestures, helping people to stay sane amid all the congestion and rushing around? So I decided to test it out.

A couple of days ago a driver behind me thought I was being too cautious in turning left through the gaps in oncoming traffic. He leant on his horn with such fury that I thought he might actually explode. So I mischievously raised a finger back at him. Well, it turns out that not all drivers in LA are up to speed on the unwritten code…

We turned left, he raced in front of me and gestured – with what I now saw was a meaty arm – to pull over. I’d like to say I did, and put him in his place with some excellent karate. Or deployed some silky British diplomacy, so that we shook hands and went on our way. Instead I hared off at high speed thinking “F*@!%^&*!!!”.

There followed 60 seconds which would have been comical if I had not been so petrified. I would turn into a side street, he would follow. I would whip round a car park, only for him to be waiting at the exit, eyes blazing and still gesturing for me to get out. Just as I was running out of side-streets, he gave up and disappeared, leaving my heart rate to return to some sort of normality.

Maybe, just maybe, I misjudged that particular situation. I guess I'm not quite an LA driver yet.

American liberty

Ask an average American what values the US stands for in the world, and the word “liberty” will almost certainly feature in the answer. But what exactly is this American liberty? Defining it is tricky. Like George W Bush’s intellect: you know it must be there, but struggle a bit to pin it down.

Many countries around the world, my own included, follow a similar system of government – democracy, rule of law, and separation of powers being common ingredients. Also in these countries, we are free to disagree with and mercilessly mock our leaders as much and as publicly as we like.

And yet, of all these countries, the US has become the champion of liberty. Are its citizens really any more free than anyone else?

My tentative conclusion is that they are, because they believe they are. It is really striking how the language of liberty pervades all levels of American life – from the White House to the corner store. Repeating over and over again that the US is the land of the free reinforces it in people’s minds, informs how they live life here, and lifts their spirits – without really needing to think through the detail.

If everyone at a party tells each other that they are having a great time, then they probably will – even if the bar has run dry and the only music consists of medieval choral chants. This is not to say they are deceiving themselves, rather it is a testament to the power of mutual reassurance.

This might just be a case where, to a whiny child asking why Americans are free, a parent would be justified in responding…

“Because I said so”.

The Presidential Election

I wanted to comment on the recent presidential election before it recedes too far into history, because it dominated US life for most of the time I have been here.

A battle between a chastened president and an eager candidate, it promised to be so much more exciting than it was in the end. The national polls fooled naïve observers like me – while those in the know watched the battleground states, and could see that four more years of Obama was never seriously in doubt.

Romney came across as a likeable man, devoted to his wife and surrounded by an army of shiny offspring. But in trying to sell himself and the Republican party to the electorate, there just seemed to be too much to conceal: the Tea Party, the senators musing theologically on rape and abortion, the neo-cons itching for another Middle Eastern conflict, the candidate’s own record.

He hammered on about “jaahbs” as if it was the sole issue of the election, but it just started to sound like it was the sole issue that the Republicans could agree on.

So congratulations to Barack Obama. I watched from the UK 4 years ago, and felt some of the breathless excitement that greeted his first election victory. Expectations of Obama were so high then, that anything less than turning back the tides and ending world hunger would feel like underperformance. Now that he has survived the American people's disappointment, he may just get more done this time around.

Californian weather...

Being English, obviously the first thing I would like to talk about is the weather.

In the UK the weather regularly plays havoc with our lives. Events are cancelled, meetings are missed, outfits are ruined - all without ceremony or surprise. Weather forecasts are lingered over, and those who give them become notable TV personalities.

By contrast Californians, for most of the year, wake up wondering whether it will be blue sky and warm, or blue sky and very warm. The possibility of rain or cloud is so remote that it doesn't need to be factored into the social plans, dress sense or work schedule of any sensible person.

The result is that, on those rare days of bad weather, people go a bit bonkers. They huddle inside, muttering darkly to eachother about the harsh conditions. Mothers call in their children from outside, shopping carts are stocked with extra rations, wide eyes peer from windows, wondering what could have incurred the gods' wrath.

And the roads become a hazard during rain. A typical Californian driver in rain becomes like a child learning to ride a bike, who looks back too soon to discover that Dad is not actually holding onto the saddle. Self-belief is replaced with sheer panic, unfamiliar windscreen wipers flash before them, and insurance companies wait for the inevitable.

Fortunately there are nearly 300 days of sun a year in Southern California, or we might have to start sending people to the UK to build up their psychological defenses against rubbish weather.